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Birth matters

This week is “Birth Trauma Awareness Week” so I have been reading many stories of other women and reflecting on my own and felt to write about birth and it’s impacts in terms of energy, to raise awareness but also hope as there is always opportunities for growth, understanding and change.

Everyone carries birth energy imprints that make us who we are and which can impact us in a variety of ways. Just reading this article will bring up your own personal birth energy and or the birth energy from birthing a child if you are a parent; whichever it is that your energy is ready to clear.

Much of the work I do with clients is to do with beliefs. Contrary to what many people think, beliefs are held within our energy, like imprints that are held all throughout our body, many of them sitting within our unconscious. These imprints contain your personalised programming and scripts that influence how you behave, what you think and what you believe about yourself and the world around you. Imprints in our energy happen during various life experiences with the most influential of those being before the age of 8 but the earlier the experience, the more influential. After these early life experiences, these imprints are then reinforced (hardwired) throughout your life.

Birth (and also conception and gestation) is a time when many beliefs about ourselves and the world are formed as it is our first experience of the world and our first experience of love and relationships. In Western culture, birth is also usually a time of pain and struggle and though there are massive shifts happening to support women in birth, I am still reading so many experiences that are traumatic. Birth is so important in our healing and growth that it is often one of the first areas I will explore with a client. For example, thoughts like “I’m stuck” or “I feel like I’m going in the wrong direction” can be traced to being stuck in birth or being breach (both of these were my personal experience). Feeling disempowered, disconnected or “I don’t want to put anyone out or be an inconvenience” may also be traced back to birth. Issues around trust or fearing abandonment may be due to an early separation, perhaps being adopted or being left to cry for long periods of time. The energy imprints of birth are significant and they can stay with us for life. They can impact on our self esteem and our relationship with ourselves but also our relationships with others. I know first hand how birth trauma can effect every area of your life and especially relationships with yourself and others, your parenting but I also know that this can be cleared.

My own personal story was being a breach baby and therefore being told that I was going the wrong way. I also got stuck during the birth. These imprints have presented themselves in many different ways like having difficulties with directions, second guessing myself all the time, feeling like I am not doing things right, that I’m “wrong”. From being stuck, I often had feelings of “I can’t get out” and I believe it was a big part of my anxiety and chronic motion sickness that I had my whole life where when in situations where I couldn’t get out (like airplanes or trains), I would experience sweating and would most often vomit. Birth clearing has changed this dramatically. My daughter’s birth also had big impacts on our relationship, my confidence as a parent and my ability to discipline. I also believe these impacted on her behaviour (especially school refusal) and her sleeping (or lack of) early in life. You can read more about our story here. I am pleased to report that since performing a birth clearing on myself and Ella, these issues have changed and I am now confident in my parenting, I trust my own decisions and Ella respects and listens to me and my leadership. We have not had problems with school refusal since.

Depending on your birth, these early experiences can present themselves in a variety of different ways in life and can be cleared very quickly (in one session) though as the energy has been running your entire life (if it is your energy) and has therefore been reinforced and hardwired many times with other life experiences, your energy may revert back to this pattern. So I like to offer it in a package of three so that we can really understand how the energy is turning up for you and also have time to teach you about your energy and help you to recognise when your energy is reverting back to the old so that you can use some strategies and techniques to bring your energy back.

To clear the energy of your own birth, having some information about your experience can be helpful for you. Often the stories of your birth may have been told over and over during your life, so it is something that has been carried and alive in your life; however it is not essential to know your birth story as your energy will be telling you through the symptoms you are experiencing in your life, your thoughts, your behaviours and any patterns that you are noticing you want to change. I can help you read your energy to understand your story and perform the clearing with whatever you bring to the session as that’s what your energy will be ready for.

You can perform this birth clearing on yourself or on your children, with or without your children present but please take note that with performing a clearing on another person, some things are part of a person’s life lesson and their soul may hold on to that until they have learnt what they need to. If this feels right for you, click here to book a birth clearing.

(First photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash).

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Odd Socks continued

For those who haven’t read my first post about Ella’s school refusal, you can get a good taste of that here. In that post, I told a story of one of the mornings I had with Ella where she was refusing to go to school. After asking how she was feeling, and discovering that she was scared, I had negotiated with her to break the school rules a little and wear black socks and yellow shoes. I felt that she needed to have some power back as she was feeling so disempowered and scared and black is a protective colour so is great to wear to help with feelings of being scared. Yellow is the colour of happiness.

Actually, after this day, her school refusal didn’t get any better. In fact, it got a little worse. One morning a few weeks after this, she was again refusing school and was being quite physical with me and I completely lost it. I screamed and yelled at her and I had to call her Dad who left work to come and help us get her to school. Now let me say that when emotions like this come up, it is a good sign that these are ready to be cleared. This was the turning point for us. Once at school and trying to be brave and hide my shame and my tears, I talked with the office staff and was referred to the “Junior School Behavioural Management Team”. For someone who is counselling and welfare trained and who has done a lot of research into childhood development and attachment through my post graduate studies as well as short courses in parenting, this was quite shameful and I really felt like I had failed somewhat as a parent. This is definitely not the first time that I have felt this way with Ella. In fact, it’s a script that I have been running since her birth (I’ll get to that in a moment). One of the staff members of the team gave me a bunch of material and they basically told me that I need to be stricter with Ella. I need to introduce consequences and I need to stand strong in that. Something didn’t sit right for me in this approach. I didn’t read the material and chose instead to trust myself and the information that I already knew about Ella and about parenting (and trust me, I have read/studied a lot of material!). I agreed that I needed to stand stronger (more that I needed to trust myself and stop second guessing or negotiating with her, part of my journey of that is discussed here and here) but I also knew that she was feeling disempowered too and that coming across too strong would actually disempower her even further, which is something I didn’t want to do.

Some of you may be aware that I have been studying an Energy Healing Course. I had only made it half way through before having my Spiritual experience in August and starting this website and through the course and understanding more about energy, I found the answers that Ella and I have needed. The answer was in her energy. Particularly in her birth energy. Let me explain. From conception, Ella had quite a lot of outward energy. During my pregnancy, we were surprised with how much she moved about, making big kicks often. We knew that she was strong and outgoing. During the pregnancy and birth, deep within me, I knew that I wanted Ella to be empowered in her energy. I knew that the birth was an important to that so in preparation for Ella’s birth, I looked into various natural birthing techniques, hypnobirthing, home birthing etc. that were more empowering and was feeling confident that we would have a natural birth in the hospital. 6 days after her due date, I went to the hospital for my latest appointment to check in and see how everything was going. As she was overdue, they sent me to have an ultrasound to make sure that everything was as it should be. We were told during the ultrasound that there was not enough fluid around the baby and that the placenta was no longer supporting the baby, that we would need to be induced that day. I began to feel scared and worried about my baby and the pending birth. They admitted me that afternoon to induce me. It was from this moment that many of the choices around birth were made for us and I did not feel empowered at all, in fact it was hard work and I was extremely concerned about my ability to birth this baby and for her to be born healthy. Now it is not my intention to dis out the hospital system, or to say that hospitals are wrong in their approach. Staff at hospitals do an amazing job and I am very grateful to the support I received in both my baby’s births. But, I am simply trying to show that there was a huge sense of fear around Ella’s entrance into the world and also feelings of disempowerment. For both me and Ella and the energy of fear, disempowerment and struggle that Ella was born into, was not conducive to building trust in ourselves and this mistrust of ourselves and fear that we had from that experience, has been playing out in so many ways, including in our relationship to each other and our struggles with the school system. The hospital and the school are both institutions so the energy was playing out strongest at school because of this. But we have also had problems with Ella’s sleeping and her behaviour since birth and also her health and a mistrust of any professionals to help us. I believe this all stems back to Ella’s birth. And, I have had problems with trusting myself, particularly with Ella and was trying to negotiate and please Ella (my people pleasing goes way back! You can read more here if you are interested), which in turn has been disempowering me even more and also reflecting to Ella that she can’t trust me either and thus the cycle continued.

I am happy to say that this has since cleared. There were 2 things that we did to clear this. The first was a series of energy clearings that I performed on myself about trusting myself and also about people pleasing. I started to talk about this in this post here. This energy was related to some of my childhood experiences too and my own birth so I did a clearing of my own birth energy and childhood experience as well. In terms of Ella’s birth, I actually felt that much of my healing and clearing happened during the birth of my second child, my son Bodhi (who is now 20 months old) which was so much more empowering but I also performed a birth clearing for Ella and I too. This has made all of the difference and has helped in every area of our relationship and my parenting of Ella and is why I have decided to teach others the energy clearing techniques. All of our behaviours, thoughts, beliefs that we are playing out as adults, stems back to our childhood. It can be in our birth, or it can be older. Usually under the age of eight. If you would like some help clearing some of your energy so that you can parent with trust and confidence and so you are not living out cycles from your past, you can check out the services I have on offer here. I only did this clearing recently so I will be sharing updates with how it’s all going next year when she is back at school.